Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
