After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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