Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
