A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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