i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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