He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
