im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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