Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
