I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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