Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
