no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
