either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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