i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
