i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
