We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize