It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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