Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
