the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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