omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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