i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
