I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
