For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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