It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
