He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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