So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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