I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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