I wish I could punch you in the face.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
