do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
