i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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