i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
