I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
