i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
