Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
