you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
