just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
