wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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