So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
