YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
