Non-Jews are for practice
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
