Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
