help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
