no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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