it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
