She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
