3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Duck Duck Cougar?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
