i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
