This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
