I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
