we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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