its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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