Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
