It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
