I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
