I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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